again.....

have you ever tried staring a something but not seeing it...like truly seeing it?
i have..always do lately though ...
seems like that i try to look beyond what i am seeing but my mind is blank
y? i dunno...it must be the drug...blame paxil!
i can't
i dont want to
i dunno why
whats wrong...maybe my depression is like this high already...it did overflowed
i dont wanna think anymore...i dont wanna accept things around me
i dont wanna respond to anything
...maybe just maybe ...the answer is with me all the time
...he's there yes i know
...but he's not enough
...i loved him...emphasis on the loveD...
...i may come to love him again because i can see myself enjoying when he's around
but still my demons are there around me ...
i need to fight my demons
i need to kill them
i need to win over my demons
but it seems like my demons are winning this time around
it may not look like that i have them
it may not show the burden
but i can feel myself shutting down sometimes
closing out
signing off out of nowhere
.....


my demons ... do i have to face you? or do i have to just let you stay there?